A few days ago, someone commented on one of my videos where I was exploring spiritual awakening and the unexpected grief that can sometimes come with becoming more aware of suffering in the world.

Their comment was:

“Wake up, Neo. The Matrix has you. You’re creating your own reality. There is no spoon.”

At first, I honestly didn’t know what to make of it.

The comment seemed disconnected from the question I was exploring. I was not talking about whether reality is an illusion or whether we create our own experiences. I was exploring something much more personal:

What happens when awakening makes us more aware of suffering instead of less aware?

But the comment stayed with me.

And eventually, it brought me back to The Matrix.

What I remembered surprised me.

Neo doesn’t wake up into a world that is peaceful, easy, or free from pain.

He wakes up into a world where suffering becomes even more visible.

He discovers humanity is enslaved.

He encounters fear.

He experiences loss.

He faces uncertainty.

He has to make difficult choices.

Awakening does not remove suffering from Neo’s reality.

Instead, awakening gives him the capacity to see reality more clearly and choose how he wants to respond.

And that made me wonder:

If awakening doesn’t remove suffering, what is awakening actually for?

The Spiritual Fantasy of Escaping Being Human

For much of my own spiritual journey, I believed awakening meant transcending the human experience.

I was drawn to mystical experiences.

Meditation.

Consciousness exploration.

The feeling of touching something beyond myself.

Those experiences were meaningful.

They changed how I understood life, myself, and my relationship with what I experience as the divine.

And I still honor those experiences.

But somewhere along the way, I absorbed an idea that quietly caused me pain.

I began to believe that if I was truly awakened, I would not struggle as much.

I would not feel grief so deeply.

I would not be affected by the suffering of others.

I would somehow rise above the difficult emotions that are part of being human.

And when those emotions continued to arise, I wondered:

“What is wrong with me?”

“Why am I still affected?”

“Why do I still feel pain if I am healing?”

Looking back, I realize I had confused healing with becoming less human.

But healing did not ask me to become less human.

Healing invited me to become more present with my humanity.

My Nervous System Needed Healing. My Capacity to Love Did Not.

One of the deepest realizations I have had through my own healing journey and my work as a therapist is this:

My nervous system needed healing. My capacity to love did not.

Those are very different things.

Trauma can impact our ability to feel safe.

It can affect how we interpret experiences.

It can influence our reactions, our relationships, and our ability to stay present when life feels overwhelming.

But trauma does not mean our capacity for love is broken.

Sometimes what needs healing is not our heart.

Sometimes what needs healing is the protective system that developed around our heart.

This distinction changed how I understood awakening.

Maybe awakening is not about becoming someone who no longer feels.

Maybe awakening is about becoming someone who can feel deeply without being destroyed by what they feel.

Awakening Is Not Emotional Detachment

There are many spiritual teachings that emphasize detachment.

And I think there is wisdom there.

Detachment can mean recognizing that we are not every thought we have.

We are not every emotion we experience.

We are not every fear that arises.

This awareness can create tremendous freedom.

However, there is a difference between healthy detachment and emotional disconnection.

Healthy detachment says:

“I can experience this emotion without being consumed by it.”

Disconnection says:

“I should not be experiencing this emotion at all.”

Healthy detachment creates more compassion.

Disconnection often creates more judgment.

One allows us to meet ourselves with love.

The other can create shame for still being human.

What Neuroscience Teaches Us About Healing

From a neuroscience perspective, healing does not mean eliminating our emotional responses.

A healthy nervous system still experiences fear.

A healthy nervous system still experiences grief.

A healthy nervous system still responds to suffering.

The difference is flexibility.

Healing often creates more space between what we experience and how we respond.

Instead of immediately reacting, we develop the ability to pause.

Instead of becoming overwhelmed by emotion, we can stay connected to ourselves.

Instead of being controlled by old survival patterns, we develop more choice.

The goal is not to become emotionless.

The goal is to become more capable of being with our emotions.

Seeing Neo Differently

When I thought about Neo’s journey again, something became clearer.

After waking up, Neo does not become detached from humanity.

He becomes more committed to humanity.

He loves more deeply.

He risks more.

He sacrifices more.

He becomes more willing to stand with others who are suffering.

Awakening did not make him less human.

It made him more available to his humanity.

And I think there is something deeply meaningful about that.

Perhaps awakening is not about escaping the human experience.

Perhaps awakening is about learning how to participate in the human experience with greater awareness, compassion, and courage.

What Kind of Person Is This Teaching Helping Me Become?

This question has become one of the most important questions on my own spiritual path.

Not:

“Is this teaching the highest teaching?”

Not:

“Does this person understand spirituality better than I do?”

Not:

“Is this the ultimate truth?”

Instead:

“What kind of human being is this teaching helping me become?”

Does it help me become:

More compassionate?

More humble?

More courageous?

More willing to listen?

More capable of loving people who see the world differently?

More able to sit with suffering without turning away?

These questions matter because spirituality is not only about what we believe.

It is about who we become.

The Difference Between Escaping Suffering and Transforming Our Relationship With Suffering

I do not believe awakening means we should ignore suffering.

I also do not believe awakening means we should become consumed by suffering.

Both extremes can disconnect us.

Avoiding suffering can make us less compassionate.

Becoming consumed by suffering can make us powerless.

Perhaps the invitation is something more balanced.

To witness suffering without losing ourselves.

To acknowledge pain without allowing it to harden our hearts.

To remain connected to love while also recognizing reality.

This is not easy.

It is something I continue practicing.

Multiple Truths Can Exist Together

One thing I have learned through both spirituality and therapy is that multiple truths can exist at the same time.

A person can believe consciousness is expansive and still acknowledge human suffering.

A person can cultivate peace and still care deeply about injustice.

A person can practice acceptance and still work toward change.

A person can have spiritual insight and still need emotional healing.

We do not have to choose between being spiritual and being human.

Perhaps the deeper invitation is learning how to bring spirituality fully into our humanity.

What Is Awakening Inviting You to Embody?

I no longer think the deepest question is:

“Have I awakened?”

Perhaps the deeper question is:

“What is my awakening inviting me to embody?”

Is it inviting me to become more loving?

More compassionate?

More courageous?

More honest?

More connected?

More willing to stay present with myself and others?

Because maybe awakening is not measured by how far we move away from being human.

Maybe awakening becomes visible in how deeply we learn to love while we are human.

A Reflection for Your Own Journey

I invite you to sit with these questions:

• Has your understanding of spiritual awakening changed over time?
• Have you ever felt pressure to be less affected by suffering because of spiritual beliefs?
• What happens when you allow yourself to be both spiritual and human?
• What kind of person is your spiritual path helping you become?

I do not believe there is only one path.

Different people need different approaches at different times.

My intention is not to tell you what awakening should mean.

My hope is to invite deeper curiosity.

Because perhaps the purpose of awakening is not to leave humanity behind.

Perhaps it is to return to humanity with a more open heart.

Continue Exploring

If these questions resonate with you, my book The Divine Within: Healing Ourselves to Heal the World explores the relationship between spirituality, emotional healing, trauma, compassion, and the journey toward greater self-awareness.

Through my work with Blossoming Heart Wellness (www.blossomingheartwellness.com), I support people who are exploring spiritual growth, nervous system healing, emotional depth, and deeper connection with themselves and others.

My hope is that we create a spirituality that does not ask us to escape being human.

A spirituality that reminds us:

Our sensitivity is not a weakness.

Our emotions are not failures.

Our humanity is not something to transcend.

It is something sacred to bring our love into.

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