Have you ever found a spiritual teaching that genuinely helped you?

A teaching that brought you peace, expanded your awareness, or helped you see yourself and the world differently?

And then, at some point, you noticed something unexpected:

The way you were applying that teaching was causing you to disconnect from parts of yourself that actually needed compassion.

Maybe you learned to observe your thoughts and emotions—and then found yourself judging yourself for still having difficult emotions.

Maybe you learned about letting go of attachment—and began questioning whether your needs or desires mattered.

Maybe you learned about rising above suffering—and began believing that experiencing pain meant you were spiritually failing.

Maybe you learned about transcending the ego—and began rejecting the parts of yourself that still felt afraid, angry, hurt, or human.

I think one of the deepest questions we can ask on a spiritual path is:

How do we receive wisdom without giving away our inner authority?

Because spirituality, at its most beautiful, is meant to bring us closer to love, truth, and wholeness.

It is not meant to make us feel like we have to become someone else to be worthy of healing.

The Search for Something Greater

For many years, I was deeply drawn to spiritual teachings about transcendence.

The idea of moving beyond suffering.

The idea of identifying less with the ego.

The idea of connecting with something greater than myself.

These teachings brought me profound experiences and meaningful insights.

I still believe there is wisdom in transcendence.

There are moments when stepping back from our thoughts, witnessing our emotions, and connecting with something beyond our individual identity can create tremendous freedom.

There is beauty in remembering that we are more than our wounds.

More than our fears.

More than our thoughts.

More than the stories we have carried about ourselves.

However, over time, I began noticing something important.

Sometimes the way I was understanding transcendence was creating distance from parts of myself that didn’t need to be transcended.

They needed to be loved.

When Spiritual Growth Becomes Spiritual Avoidance

There is a subtle difference between moving beyond identification with our suffering and moving away from our humanity.

One can create freedom.

The other can create disconnection.

For example:

There is wisdom in recognizing that we are not our emotions.

But there is also wisdom in listening to our emotions.

There is wisdom in knowing we are more than our trauma.

But there is also wisdom in understanding how our trauma shaped us.

There is wisdom in recognizing our connection to something greater.

But there is also wisdom in honoring the human experience we are currently living.

Healing does not require us to reject the parts of ourselves that are struggling.

It asks us to develop a different relationship with them.

Instead of:

“Why am I still feeling this?”

We can begin asking:

“What is this feeling trying to communicate?”

Instead of:

“Why haven’t I moved beyond this?”

We can ask:

“What part of me needs compassion right now?”

My Own Relationship With Transcendence Changed

Over time, I realized I didn’t want a spirituality that taught me to rise above my humanity.

I wanted a spirituality that helped me bring more love, awareness, and compassion into my humanity.

That distinction changed everything.

I began seeing transcendence and embodiment not as opposing paths, but as complementary aspects of healing.

Transcendence can help us remember:

• We are more than our thoughts.
• We are more than our pain.
• We are connected to something greater than ourselves.

Embodiment can help us remember:

• We live in bodies.
• We have nervous systems.
• We have relationships.
• We have emotions.
• We are having a human experience.

We need both.

The ability to touch something beyond ourselves.

And the ability to fully inhabit ourselves.

What Is Embodiment?

Embodiment is the practice of fully inhabiting our human experience.

It means learning to be present with:

Our emotions.

Our bodies.

Our relationships.

Our needs.

Our boundaries.

Our wounds.

Our joys.

Our grief.

For many people who have experienced trauma, embodiment can be a profound part of healing.

Trauma often disconnects us from ourselves.

We may learn to ignore our emotions.

Override our needs.

Leave our bodies.

Prioritize others’ experiences over our own.

Embodiment invites us home.

Not by rejecting spirituality.

But by allowing spirituality to become lived experience.

The Nervous System and Spiritual Healing

As a licensed marriage and family therapist, I have become increasingly aware of how important the nervous system is in the healing process.

Our nervous systems influence how we experience safety, connection, emotion, and relationship.

Sometimes people seek spiritual growth because they long for freedom from suffering.

That longing is deeply human.

But freedom does not always come from eliminating difficult experiences.

Sometimes freedom comes from developing the capacity to be present with those experiences without being controlled by them.

A regulated nervous system does not mean we never feel fear.

It means fear does not have to determine our choices.

A healed relationship with grief does not mean we never experience loss.

It means grief can move through us without destroying our connection to life.

A compassionate relationship with anger does not mean we never feel anger.

It means we can listen to what anger is communicating without allowing it to harm ourselves or others.

Different Paths for Different People

One thing I have learned through my work with clients is that healing does not look the same for everyone.

This is something I deeply honor.

For some people, transcendence brings profound healing.

Stepping back from identification with thoughts, connecting with a higher perspective, or experiencing unity consciousness may create meaningful transformation.

For others, healing may happen through embodiment.

Through processing emotions.

Through repairing relationships.

Through working with trauma.

Through learning to feel safe in their bodies.

Through developing self-compassion.

And for many people, healing involves both.

The question is not:

“Which path is the highest?”

I have become increasingly cautious of that question.

Because the idea that one path is “higher” than another can unintentionally create hierarchy.

It can make people believe they are behind.

Less evolved.

Less conscious.

Less worthy.

Instead, I find myself asking:

“Does this path help me become more loving?”

“Does this path help me become more compassionate?”

“Does this path deepen my connection with myself and others?”

Spiritual Wisdom vs. Spiritual Authority

One of the most important distinctions I have come to understand is the difference between offering wisdom and defining someone else’s reality.

There is a profound difference between saying:

“This is what I experienced.”

“This is what helped me.”

“This is the perspective that has brought meaning to my life.”

And saying:

“This is what awakening is.”

“This is the path everyone must follow.”

“If you do not see this, you are less conscious.”

The first invites exploration.

The second can unintentionally take people away from their own inner authority.

I believe one of the most sacred parts of the spiritual journey is discernment.

Not because we know everything.

Not because others have nothing to teach us.

But because we are learning how to listen deeply.

Discernment: The Bridge Between Openness and Wisdom

Discernment allows us to remain open without becoming passive.

It allows us to receive teachings without surrendering our own relationship with truth.

It allows us to learn from others while honoring our own lived experience.

A spiritually mature person, in my view, is not someone who never questions.

It is someone who has developed enough inner stability to question without collapsing.

They can say:

“This teaching resonates with me.”

“This teaching does not feel aligned for me.”

“I want to learn more.”

“I need to explore this differently.”

“I am open to being changed.”

“I am also willing to trust my own discernment.”

Awakening Is Not About Becoming Someone Else

Perhaps one of the greatest misunderstandings about awakening is that it requires us to become a different kind of person.

Someone who is always peaceful.

Always loving.

Always detached.

Always beyond human struggles.

But what if awakening is not about becoming less human?

What if awakening is about becoming more fully human?

More compassionate.

More present.

More honest.

More connected.

More willing to hold complexity.

Maybe awakening means we learn to hold both:

The sacred and the ordinary.

Joy and grief.

Compassion and boundaries.

Spirit and humanity.

Wisdom and uncertainty.

Coming Home to Yourself

Your spiritual journey is not about becoming someone else’s version of awakened.

It is not about achieving a state where you no longer struggle.

It is not about rejecting the parts of yourself that are still healing.

Your journey is about discovering what helps you come home to yourself.

With more love.

More truth.

More wholeness.

More compassion.

The path that leads you home may not look exactly like someone else’s path.

And that is not a failure.

It may be the very nature of spiritual growth.

Questions for Reflection

I invite you to sit with these questions:

• Have you ever experienced a spiritual teaching that helped you but later needed to be understood differently?
• Have you ever used spirituality to move away from emotions you actually needed to feel?
• What helps you distinguish wisdom from avoidance?
• Does your spiritual path help you become more connected to yourself and others?
• Where might your own inner authority be asking to be reclaimed?

I don’t believe the purpose of spirituality is to give us all the same answers.

I believe it is to help us develop a deeper relationship with truth.

And perhaps truth is not something we possess.

Perhaps truth is something we continue learning how to meet—with humility, curiosity, compassion, and love.

Continue Exploring

If these reflections resonate with you, my book The Divine Within: Healing Ourselves to Heal the World explores the relationship between spirituality, psychology, neuroscience, trauma healing, and compassionate self-awareness.

Through my work at Blossoming Heart Wellness (www.blossomingheartwellness.com), I support people who are exploring spiritual growth, emotional healing, nervous system regulation, and deeper connection with themselves and others.

My hope is that we can create a spirituality that does not ask us to abandon our humanity in order to experience the sacred.

A spirituality that helps us remember:

We are already worthy.

We are already connected.

And healing is not about becoming someone else.

It is about coming home to who we truly are.

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