Are You Attracting Challenges—or Just Healing?

Hello, beautiful sacred souls. Today I want to explore a question that comes up often in spiritual circles: Are we attracting our challenges—or are we simply healing?

Many spiritual teachings and social media narratives suggest that we “attract” the experiences we face in life. While there is a kernel of truth to this, especially when it comes to energy and intention, it can quickly become blaming rather than empowering, particularly for those of us with a history of trauma.

In this post, I’ll break down this concept from a trauma-informed, neuroscience, and spiritually mature lens—so you can understand what’s really happening in your life as you heal.

Why the “You Attract Everything” Idea Can Be Harmful

The simplified manifestation narrative assumes that:

1. We exist in a vacuum.
2. Our nervous system isn’t shaped by trauma.
3. Other people’s behaviors, systems, timing, and history don’t affect us.

From a trauma-informed perspective, none of these assumptions are accurate. Life’s challenges are not always a reflection of your vibration, your worth, or your spiritual alignment. Family systems, workplaces, bureaucracy, or even health realities can create friction that has nothing to do with you personally.

The problem with the “you attract everything” mindset is that it can create spiritualized self-blame. It asks your nervous system to carry more responsibility than it ever should, which can block healing rather than encourage it.

What Neuroscience Shows About Healing and Friction

Trauma and chronic stress teach the nervous system to constantly scan for threats, overfunction, or collapse in order to survive. But here’s the shift that occurs as healing begins:

• Your nervous system regulates better
• You can feel friction or challenges without dissociation or overwhelm
• Annoyance and frustration become signals of boundaries and discernment, not failure

Feeling calm but slightly annoyed by life’s challenges isn’t regression—it’s evidence of growth. Your prefrontal cortex is online, your vagal tone is improving, and your inner compass is learning to say: “I can see clearly now, and I no longer need to silently absorb misalignment.”

Calm + Annoyance = A Developmental Milestone

Early in healing, challenges often trigger anxiety, shame, or emotional flooding. As integration progresses, the same challenges instead bring:

• Clarity
• Discernment
• Frustration without collapse

From an internal family systems perspective, this is self-energy emerging. Your inner system is saying: “I am here. I can hold this. I will not abandon myself anymore.”

In short, you are not attracting problems—you are simply less willing to tolerate dysfunction that you once normalized for survival.

A Mature Spiritual Reframe

A spiritually mature perspective recognizes that life includes friction, regardless of how healed or aligned we are. Bodies age. Systems fail. People act from fear or unhealed wounds. None of this is a reflection of your worth or vibration.

Healing shifts your tolerance. What you once endured quietly may now irritate you—and that’s a sign of presence, integration, and growth.

Spiritual practices that only emphasize containment or observation can sometimes become emotional bypassing. Neuroscience shows that unacknowledged signals in the nervous system don’t disappear—they manifest later as chronic stress, fatigue, or irritability. By adding compassion, curiosity, and inner relationship, the nervous system learns it doesn’t need to escalate to be heard.

A Simple Somatic Practice

To anchor this understanding, try this exercise:

1. Notice a challenge in your life that feels more annoying than overwhelming.
2. Observe your body—what sensations arise?
3. Ask gently:
   • Is this something I need to fix?
   • Or is this something I am no longer meant to carry?
4. Notice responses without judgment:
   • Softening or release = your body feels relief; it’s not yours to carry
   • Tension or tightness = a boundary needs attention

There is no right or wrong answer here—only information from your nervous system.

The Bigger Picture: Integration and Outer Relationships

Healing doesn’t make life frictionless. Instead, it helps you stop sacrificing yourself to make friction tolerable. As your inner relationship becomes secure:

• Boundaries become easier
• Relationships clarify
• Life feels more honest, even if imperfect

Your nervous system learns self-respect. Frustration no longer owns you—it becomes a sign of embodied wisdom.

Support for Your Healing Journey

If this perspective resonates, you may find deeper support in my book:
📖 The Divine Within: Healing Ourselves to Heal the World
Available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Walmart, and Powell’s Books.

🌐 You can also explore my teachings, online courses, and guidance at www.blossomingheartwellness.com.

Remember: you don’t need to be more aligned—you just need to be more alive. Healing itself is the path.

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