A few weeks ago, I had a spiritual reading that left me with a question I haven't been able to let go of.

Part of the reading suggested that some of the suffering I have experienced in this lifetime wasn't connected to my own karmic history. Instead, it suggested that I was somehow carrying the karmic debt of another being who had caused significant suffering in another lifetime.

I want to be clear from the beginning: I don't know whether this is literally true.

I'm still discerning the experience.

It may have been symbolic.

It may have reflected something psychological rather than metaphysical.

It may resonate deeply with some people and not at all with others.

But regardless of whether the reading described an objective spiritual reality or simply offered a metaphor, it awakened a question that has continued to unfold inside me.

A question that reaches far beyond reincarnation or karma.

If God is love, why would love choose punishment as its primary path toward transformation?

The more I sat with that question, the more difficult it became to reconcile with everything I have learned through decades of studying psychology, neuroscience, trauma, spirituality, and my own lived experience.

This article isn't an attempt to tell you what to believe.

It is an invitation to explore the question with me.

The Question That Wouldn't Leave Me

If someone causes tremendous harm because they have become deeply disconnected from love—from themselves, from others, from compassion, from their own humanity—how would creating even more suffering help them reconnect?

Wouldn't more suffering simply create more fear?

More protection?

More shame?

More disconnection?

If love heals, why would love choose a path that appears to move someone even further away from love?

I couldn't stop asking myself this.

Not because I reject accountability.

Quite the opposite.

I believe accountability is essential.

But accountability and punishment are not always the same thing.

What Trauma Has Taught Me

As many of you know, I survived significant childhood trauma as well as painful experiences later in life.

Looking back honestly, I can say something that surprised me.

The abuse did not immediately make me wiser.

It did not instantly make me more compassionate.

It certainly did not make me feel closer to God.

It made me afraid.

It disconnected me from my body.

It taught my nervous system that relationships weren't safe.

It made trusting others incredibly difficult.

For years my mind remained organized around survival.

Not because I wanted it to.

Because my nervous system had learned that danger could appear anywhere.

What eventually changed me wasn't more suffering.

It wasn't punishment.

It wasn't shame.

It was something entirely different.

Safe relationships.

Therapy.

Mindfulness.

Compassion.

People who could remain present with me without abandoning me.

Slowly, my nervous system learned something it had forgotten.

Love could become safe again.

That realization has profoundly shaped how I understand healing today.

Hurt People Hurt People

One of the most consistent observations across psychology and neuroscience is that pain changes the nervous system.

Trauma narrows awareness.

When we perceive danger, our brains prioritize survival over curiosity, empathy, creativity, and connection.

This isn't a moral failure.

It's biology.

When someone has spent years living in survival mode, their protective strategies often become automatic.

Fear may become control.

Shame may become anger.

Overwhelm may become withdrawal.

None of this excuses harmful behavior.

But it does help explain it.

And understanding is not the opposite of accountability.

In many ways, it is what makes meaningful accountability possible.

Why Shame Rarely Creates Lasting Change

As a therapist, I've learned that shame often creates the opposite of what we hope it will.

When shame becomes overwhelming, people rarely become more open.

Instead they often become:

• Defensive
• Avoidant
• Emotionally shut down
• Blaming
• Self-protective
• Less capable of empathy

The nervous system begins organizing around protection rather than reflection.

Ironically, the very strategy intended to change behavior can reinforce the patterns we hope to transform.

This doesn't mean people shouldn't face consequences.

Consequences matter.

Repair matters.

Responsibility matters.

Protecting those who have been harmed absolutely matters.

But transformation rarely comes from humiliation.

It usually comes when someone can face truth while remaining emotionally regulated enough to stay present with it.

That is very different from escaping responsibility.

Accountability Without Dehumanization

One of the tensions I continue exploring is whether we've sometimes confused punishment with accountability.

Accountability asks:

"Can you honestly see the impact of your actions?"

"Can you take responsibility?"

"Can you repair what is possible to repair?"

"Can you become someone who is less likely to repeat this harm?"

Punishment often asks something different.

"Can we make you suffer because you made someone else suffer?"

These questions are not identical.

Justice certainly requires consequences.

But perhaps the deepest purpose of consequences is not revenge.

Perhaps it is restoration.

Could Karma Be Something Different?

The longer I reflected on that spiritual reading, the more another possibility emerged.

What if karma isn't primarily God's punishment?

What if karma is simply the natural unfolding of cause and effect?

When we live from fear...

Fear spreads.

When we act from violence...

Violence spreads.

When we respond from shame...

Shame often multiplies.

When we act from compassion...

Compassion spreads.

Perhaps karma is less about cosmic punishment and more about recognizing that every action shapes future experience.

Seen this way, karma becomes less about earning suffering and more about understanding relationship.

Our choices ripple outward.

Our wounds ripple outward.

Our healing ripples outward too.

Restoration Rather Than Retribution

Many of the world's spiritual traditions speak about returning.

Returning to God.

Returning to love.

Returning to truth.

Returning to our deepest nature.

Very few describe God as delighting in endless punishment.

Even when traditions differ dramatically about reincarnation, heaven, hell, or karma, many of them point toward restoration.

Toward reconciliation.

Toward remembering.

Toward healing.

That resonates deeply with me.

Because restoration doesn't minimize harm.

It asks an even more difficult question.

How do we become people who no longer want to create harm in the first place?

That feels like a profoundly different vision of justice.

Discernment Matters

One thing my own spiritual journey has taught me is that mystical experiences are meaningful.

But meaningful doesn't automatically mean infallible.

Whenever I receive an intuitive insight, have a mystical experience, or hear a profound spiritual teaching, I try to ask myself a few questions.

Does this move me toward greater love?

Does it deepen compassion?

Does it reduce harm?

Does it increase humility?

Does it help me understand people more clearly?

Or does it make me feel more afraid?

More superior?

More disconnected?

More hopeless?

These questions don't tell me whether an experience is objectively true.

But they help me discern whether the way I am relating to that experience is leading me toward greater wisdom.

What If Love Is the Transformative Force?

When I imagine God—not necessarily through doctrine, but through the deepest sense of love I have ever encountered—I cannot imagine love's primary strategy being to create more disconnection.

I imagine love continually inviting us back.

Back into relationship.

Back into truth.

Back into compassion.

Back into responsibility.

Back into ourselves.

Back into one another.

Not because harm doesn't matter.

Because it matters profoundly.

But because love transforms people in ways punishment alone often cannot.

Love does not erase accountability.

It makes accountability meaningful.

Questions Worth Sitting With

Rather than offering conclusions, I'd like to leave you with the questions that continue to shape my own journey.

• When you think about justice, what comes to mind first—punishment or restoration?
• What has actually helped you change in your own life: shame or compassionate accountability?
• How do you understand karma?
• Do you believe suffering always teaches, or can it sometimes deepen disconnection?
• What role do safe relationships play in healing?
• If God is love, what might love's deepest intention actually be?

There may not be one universal answer.

But I believe these questions are worth exploring.

Returning to Love

The older I become, the less interested I am in defending spiritual certainty.

The more interested I become in asking:

Does this help people love more deeply?

Does it reduce unnecessary suffering?

Does it support healing?

Does it help us become more compassionate without abandoning accountability?

Those questions continue guiding my work as a therapist, spiritual mentor, and author.

Not because I have arrived at final answers.

But because I believe our relationship with truth deepens when we remain humble enough to keep asking better questions.

If love truly sits at the heart of reality, then perhaps the purpose of healing is not to pay an endless debt of suffering.

Perhaps it is to interrupt the cycles of fear, shame, and harm that keep us disconnected from ourselves and one another.

Perhaps the deepest justice is not making people suffer for the harm they have caused.

Perhaps the deepest justice is helping people become the kind of people who no longer want to cause harm.

And if that is true, then maybe love has been inviting us home all along.

Continue the Conversation

If these reflections resonate with you, I invite you to continue exploring the intersection of spirituality, psychology, neuroscience, and trauma healing through my book, The Divine Within: Healing Ourselves to Heal the World.

If you're seeking support in integrating spiritual experiences with grounded psychological healing, I also offer therapy, wellness coaching, and spiritual mentorship through Blossoming Heart Wellness.

My goal is never to tell you what to believe. Instead, I hope to create a space where we can explore life's deepest questions with curiosity, discernment, compassion, and a shared commitment to reducing harm while deepening our capacity to love.

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